Twilight VS FMAFMAB
by royai4eva
Summary: Yet another talk show, don't kill me...
1. Chapter 1

Twilight VS FMA/FMAB

Me: Hey all, so here comes another talk show. I know there are a bunch, and I'm sorry, but it sounds fun:D

Ed: (Elric, not the sparkly "vampire") Hey, so you asked me to be here?What?

Me: Hello fellow shorty-

Ed: I'M NOT SHORT!

Me: * nods* and neither am I, anyways I feel that there just isn't enough Twilight bashing in the world don't you agree?

Ed: Twilight? With the sparkling fairy and the non-emotional teen?

Me: The very same! * Armstrong sparkle *

*cough* anyways any and all fans can send in questions, dares, comments, etc! Fun right? Right?

Ed: Any and ALL fans?

Me: Grr, yes, Twilight fans can send in stuff too...

Ed: Fine, but...they aren't gonna send in any EdxEdward stuff are they?

Me: * absolutely horrified fangirl look* I..don't...know

Ed: I might have to slice someones...

Me: OKAY! Well than send in stuff you want, and make it count people. By they way, not limited to just Ed and...Cullen. You can send in others, like Riza, Roy, Armstrong, Jacob, Jasper, and the list goes on. Limit the Yaoi people! Don't kill me.

Ed: And please, think about me too...as for the Twilight fans, any with me and Yaoi will get Edwards, or Jacobs, heads sliced off * signature evil grin *

Me: Al! Your brothers going evil again!

Al: brother! Be nice to your fans!

Ed: * Mumbles*

Me: Anyways, see ya soon! I hope, oh, please at least 3 reviews kay? I'll give it a few days but I need something to work with!


	2. First Dares

Me: Hi again:D Before the disclaimer 1 announcement. From now on I shall be known as...yea I'm still figuring that out XD Call me what you want.

Ed: How about short stack? Half-pint?Midget? Ant?

Me:...

Al: Brother!

Me: Ed you're lucky you're hot, or I would go crazy on you. Instead, I shall go fangirl:D

Ed: Noo! *runs while I chase his with a pen and paper*

Al:...I'm sorry everyone, it seems I will have to run the show for a minute.

Me: Kay thanks Al!

Al: Now for the disclaimer, the crazy otaku owns nothing...like she would want to own twilight

Me: gasp, Al thats so OOC. And wait, Crazy Otaku?

Al: Erm, yes?

Me: That fits me so well! Yays! I gots a nickname to go by!

Ed: Such a fangirl...

Crazy Otaku: Okays! So first we have the usual talk show stuff, than we shall go to mail from you fans out there! Please welcome Roy Mustang, Maes Hughes, and Armstrong.

Roy: Hey

Maes: Wanna see pictures? This ones Elysia turning two, and oh this ones got her in her mommys hat! So adorable!

Roy: *facepalm*

Armstrong: It is me! The Strong Arm Alchemist, Alex Louis Armstrong!

Ed: He ripped his shirt off again...

Crazy Otaku: As long as there are already sparkles, here are our Twilight guests...

Ed: * groan*

Roy: Cullen isn't as hot as me...

Crazy Otaku: I agree Roy, Team Alchemists here! Okay, so heres the Sparkling non-vampire vampire pixie fugly other not as hot Edward: Edward Cullen...*looks at fanmail* yea we only need him, no need to subject ourselves to more sparkling.

Cullen the Pixie: other not as hot Edward?

Crazy Otaku: You're a sparkling,not burning, in the sun sad excuse for a vampire with painted on abs. Yes, you are "the other Edward" and not cool enough to be called Ed, or even Edward for that matter. You. Are. A. PIXIE.

Cullen the Pixie: How dare...

Crazy Otaku: * death glare *

Roy: Haha, you've been burned Pixie. But not quite enough...* puts on gloves and poses to snap*

C.O(typing the full thing is getting tiring): Wait! We need him for torture!

Cullen the pixie: I have to torture someone?

C.O: Nope, even better! We get to torture you! * evil grin*

Al: Yay, someone I'm actually okay with torturing!

C.O: Alrighty, it's time for fan mail. Remember at the end of this show send in your dares, requests, questions, fan girl rants, etc. Who wants to read them?

Maes: Me! Oh, please, oh please!

C.O: If I let you will you stop shoving pictures of Elysia in my face?

Maes: Maybe...

C.O: Slightly promising..* hands over fan-mail*

Maes: Only two? I think they need encouragement, like this wonderful picture of Gracia and Elysia!

Roy: Maes..

Maes: Yess?

Roy: GET ON WITH IT!

Maes: Fine...this first one is from AutumnLeafFall:

**YES ANOTHER TWILIGHT HATER HAS JOINED THE OTAKUS SIDE XD! Okay Ed (not the pixie but the sexy one) I dare you to make the pixie watch 48 hours of Twilight yaoi involving him and Jacob then another 48 of Barney and keep Ed away cause dont want to scar him for life**

Ed: Hmm thats going to take him awhile...but my pleasure * signature evil grin*

Pixie: * squeak* Me and...Jacob? The wolf? The one going after my daughter?

Armstrong: The very same!

Al: I like this one, very creative.

C.O: Okay Ed, take care of that for us, we'll see you in 48 hours, and don't get scarred!

Ed: * Transmutes a chain tying Pixie into a chair*

Pixie: Wait! NOOOOO!

Ed: I'm loving this dare already...

*50 hours later*

C.O: Hes up to Barney right?

Ed: mhm, lets listen and see if we can hear his screams!

Everyone: * listens closely*

Pixie: _I love you, you love me..._

Ed: Oh

Roy: My

C.O: Goodness

Ed: Why not god?

C.O: oh, hmm? I'm not religious, plus it's not the only religion you know.

Ed: As long as it's not Leto...

*Another 46 hours later *

Pixie: Well, after the first 48 hours that was pretty okay.

C.O: I'd say gay, but thats an insult to all gays...

Maes: Okay, now onto the next fan mail...or rather the last...from Xx-animeaddict-xX

Tee hee ed should have edward cullen strapped to a chair, then make him endure 5 hours of maes gushing abt his daughter, 2 hours with multiple photo albums and then the last 3 hours with a slideshowXP BWAHAHAHA

Maes: How is that a punishment? Ah well, I'll go get my pictures!

Ed: Back in the chair Pixie!

Pixie: You can't make me!

C.O: Roy help him out

Roy: My pleasure! * snaps a few flames around Pixie*

Pixie: !

Alright, I'll get in the chair.

Maes: I'm back!~

C.O: Well the rest of us shouldn't be annoyed to no end..

Ed: Agreed

C.O: So watch this little excerpt of Pixies torture, and don't forget to review!

Everyone: We'll see you next time!

Maes: She starting to walk now! Oh, and her first word was "mommy" and almost right after she said "daddy"! It feels like she was just born yesterday, and now shes talking! Oh, and shes been riding her tricycle and following me around like a shadow. My own escort of cuteness. * continues gushing*

Pixie: Someone save me...or let me die now...anything...

5 hour timer done*

Maes: Now for pictures! I've been dying to show you!

Pixie:No...

Maes: Here she is at home playing dress-up!

Pixie: Please...

Maes: Oh, and here she is wearing my glasses! So cute!

Pixie: PLESE NO MORE!

Maes: I think someone needs more pictures~!


	3. FUN

C.O: Welcome to another episode of

*awesome title sequence* Twilight VS FMA/FMAB!

Ed: Ooo, flames

Roy: Hot, just like me!

Ed: …

C.O: Yeah, wait! I didn't introduce you guys yet! Get back backstage! Well, not you Ed...your my co-host so you hafta be here...

Roy: Well, introduce us quickly! I want to sit down and nap...

C.O: Now that hes backstage we can get on with it. First, the disclaimer...Ed?

Ed: We do not own FMA or FMAB. And we definitely don't own Twilight, eck...

C.O: Lets welcome our Fullmetal guests- Roy Mustang, Maes Hughes, Riza Hawkeye, Jean Havoc, Kain Fuery, Alphose Elric, and Pride!

Ed: Pride? But hes evil.

C.O: Hes one of my friends favorite characters. Something about being cute and evil...

Pride: I'm not here to kill you...yet

Ed: Bring it kiddo!

Al: Don't start a fight brother

Roy: Am I allowed to sit this time?

Riza: Don't be lazy here too, Sir.

Roy: We aren't at work, you can call me Roy. Which reminds me, would you like to go on a da-

Riza: * loads gun*

Roy: Nevermind..

Maes: Are you finally trying to get a wife?

Roy: Maes...

C.O: Oops, forgot someone: Please also welcome: Winry Rockbell!

Winry: Hey

Ed&Al: Hey Winry!

C.O: Now for the Twilight guests, Pixie and Mary Sue...I mean Cullen and Bella...

Bella: Mary Sue?

Pixie: They all call me a Pixie, don't worry about it,

Bella: You kinda are a Pixie...so does that mean I'm a Mary Sue? * emo corner*

Pixie: She called me a Pixie...She did

C.O: Regretting not drinking her blood now huh?

Pixie: Shut up!

C.O: Don't you dare tell me to shut up, you friggin sparkle in the sun, stalking, pedophile, fake vampire, 100 and something year old virgin!

Pixie: Pedophile?

C.O: You are over a hundred years old and you start dating a 17 year old girl...your a Pedo-Pixie! I should sick Pedobear on you!

Pixie: * shocked*

Al: You shocked him into silence!

C.O: And Mary Sue is still in her corner, so no annoying people for now...Anyways, we have a few guest stars from D. Gray Man. Please welcome Kanda, Lavi, and Allen!

Winry: No Lenalee?

C.O: Komui said he would come with her...and bring another Sir Comland...

Winry: Ah...

Allen: Last time he tried to cook Lavi, Krory, and me...

Kanda: He should've cooked you beansprout, get you outta my hair...hey, theres a fellow beansprout for you * points at Ed*

Allen: The names Allen!

Ed: Don't... call... me... SMALL!

Kanda: You're small.

Ed: Grr * transmutes arm blade*

Kanda: * Pulls out Mugen*

Winry: Ed...

Ed: What?

Winry: STOP MESSING WITH MY AUTOMAIL! * hits with wrench than turns on Kanda* And you, you instigated it * knocks Kanda out *

C.O: Nice wrenchmanship

Winry: Why thank you

C.O: but now we have 4 people down for the count...well 3 and an Emo corner girl...On to the fanmail! Who wants to read? Not you Maes, you got to last time.

Riza: I'll read

C.O: Kay, no shooting anybody though..

Riza:...Fine, gimme...

Roy: Gimme?

Riza: Does the Colonel count as somebody?

C.O: Yes...

Riza: Fine..the first fanmail is from, again, AutumnLeafFall:

thank you all of you X3 when it comes to Twilight I get very sedistic KOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOL *one of my nicknames is FemRussia from Hetalia and the reason why is cause we have the same evil personality* and since I cant think of something to torcher the pixie with I'll give all of you I free do what ever you want to the pixie pass and I hope you all have fun ^_^

C.O: Sadistic towards Twilight huh? I feel a kinship. Wait we all get to torture somebody? Thats gonna take awhile...I know, I'll get a hat and put all our names in and pick randomly until we are gonna run outta time kay?

Everyone: Kay!

C.O: Alright, first up * picks out of hat* Riza!

Riza: I choose target practice * puts Cullen on a spinning wheel and picks up rifle*

Stand Clear!

Cullen: Wait, what?

**Hawkeye fires off 20 rounds, each hitting the pixie who is spinning at 50 MPH**

Cullen: Whimper...

C.O: Nice shooting we should go to the range at some point

Riza: Sure

C.O: Next up is...Havoc

Jean: I thought you guys forgot about me

C.O: Of course not! We just got sidetracked!

Fuery: What about me?

C.O: Same!

Fuery: Kay...

Jean: Ah jeez I got nothing. Oh! Wait! I know, tell Bella you are gay and you are leaving her for Jacob!

C.O: Niiice

Pixie: No. So...hah!

Jean: * loads shotgun* Now sparkling pixie!

Pixie: That looks an awful lot like Charlie's gun... *sigh *

Bella?

Bella: Yes Edward?

Pixie: I've found out I am gay and I am leaving you for Jacob...erm

Jean: You can do better than that!* aims*

Pixie: His non-sparkling muscular self is much better than any woman...

Bella: * death*

Jean: Ohmai...hahaha..wooo

Everyone else: * uncontrollable laughter* awesomeness...nice one!...I love this...hahahahahahaha

Kanda: *smirk *

C.O: Let me...recover...for heh..a second...

Okays!..Next up is * drum roll* Fuery!

Roy: Why always my subordinates yet not me...

Fuery: I don't know...I'm not one for torture...

Pixie: Finally a wimp! I can get a br-

Fuery: Hold this * Hands pixie a cord*

Pixie: Whats this?

Fuery: * turns on random machine and shocks Pixie* HAHA take that you sparkling son of a-

C.O: Okay! Didn't know you could be that evil Fuery...

Fuery: Erm...Heh?

C.O: Next up is...Roy!

Roy: Yays! * repeatedly burns Pixie ever time he heals*

C.O: Umm...

Roy: I'm not done! This is for thinking your hotter than me _snap _and this is for sparkling _snap _and this is for being over 100 years old before you even date someone! _Snap _and this is just because I am enjoying this _snap_

Riza: Roy...

Roy: **gasp** you used my first name!

Riza: Sir, stop burning him, we need him for torture...

Roy: Fine **pout**

C.O: Allen you're up...

Allen: Kay, cook me dinner pixie!

C.O: WTF, cooking isn't really a punishment unless he starts a grease fire!

Allen: It is when you're cooking for me, and I AM HUNGRY!

Pixie: Um, I don't cook..

Allen: But you're so feminine...okay fine, I dare you to call Kanda by his first name...

Pixie: How is that a punishment...okay, Yu! Yoohoo Yu!

Kanda: **glares and turns him into a jigsaw puzzle **and thats how you dice...

Pixie: Dammit wheres my arm!

Ed: Thats what I said...

C.O: Anyways next is...Ed!

Ed: hells yeah, okay let me think **evil grin **I dare you to go confess your love to Garfiel!

Winry: oh no...

Pixie: Okays...I'll be back * goes to Rush Valley*

C.O: To the T.V! Who wants popcorn?

**on the screen**

_Pixie enters the town, and makes his way to Garfiels shop. Not that hard to find ofcourse, big girly sign and all..._

_Pixie: Are you Garfiel?_

_Garfiel: Yess?_

_Pixie: I'm in complete love-love, will you marry me?_

_Garfiel: Ohhohohoho_

_**censored**_

C.O: Why'd it turn off?

Allen: I'm scared.

Ed: I have a feeling I am going to be laughing my ass off.

Pixie: I'm...back..ugh

C.O: Um..Pixie got ra-

Winry: Don't finish that sentence...

C.O: Ookkaayyyy

Anyways next up is... Oh, Winry!

Winry: Hmm, well all I got is...*hits him over the head with a wrench 20 times * that

Pixie: owwwwwwww

Ed: Heh, other Edward got hit.

C.O: Next up is...ME!*evil grin *

Pixie: Oh no...

C.O: Muahahahaha

ha ha

haaaaaa

Okays! Now watch your own ******* movies! AND read the books! Muahahahaha

**A few hours later**

Pixie: WTF kinda crap is this? DO I really sparkle like that? Am I really that bad looking when shirtless!

Ed: I didn't think that would work actually...

C.O: Figured any series that bad would make it's characters cringe too...

Roy: You were right, so very right...and I love it...

**After all that**

Pixie: I have a feeling I should apologize... But after what you guys put me through...NO!Hah!

C.O: Kay, next up is Al

Al: Kays * beats the crap outta pixie* Done.

C.O: That was quick...Hughes you are up!

Hughes: Get back on the spinning wheel Pixie * hits pixie with tons of knives*

Kay, whos next?

C.O: Up next is Lavi!

Lavi: Innocence Activate! Fire stamp, Hellfire! * engulfs pixie in flames*

Roy: Thats a spinoff of mine!

Lavi: No, mines a hammer. Yours is a glove...soo, mines more fun!

C.O: Kay Kanda you are up!

Kanda: tch * turns pixie back into a jigsaw puzzle *

Pixie:...dammit...

C.O:And last but not least Pride!

Pride: Heh

Ed: I don't know about this...

Pride: **Slices into pieces using shadows **And thats how you slice!

Kanda: Thats a spinoff of MINE!

Pride: Maybe, but mines cooler.

Kanda: tch, really?

Pride: What do you think Crazy Otaku?

C.O: Ummm...I don't know!..Kanda..?

Kanda: hah...

Pride: tch...

C.O: Okay who was reading fanmail before all this?

Riza: Me I think...the next one is from...Xx-animeaddict-xX

bwahahaha that was fun...tho i kinda feel a teeeeny bit sorry for edward..i woulda gone mad too...hey wat the...*dodges flying chair*

me:heyy!

ed elric:traitor!

roy:i agree wat should we do 2 her

me: wat'd i do?

royxed:*ignoring me while they come up wit evil plan*

me:ah sh*t! *runs for lfe*

edxroy:get back here traitor!

ed cullen:finally someone that feels my pain! mwaha-

riza:*knocks him out*

al:*looks down at fallen body of the vamp*...nice job i like him better when hes quiet...

well heres a request my sis has for edward

sis: edo-kun should dare edward cullen the sparkly vamp to go up to a gang and try to act black, and start hitting on one of the gang members gurl and see if he survives, if he wont do it have riza hold a gun to bella's head and threaten to shoot her.

C.O: I don't wanna see the "act black" part as it will probably be an epic fail on pixie's part..

Ed: Agreed

Pixie: Hey..yo...momma?

C.O: What you saying bout my mom? I will f you up dude, back off!

Pixie: Eep

C.O: Anyways, Pixie, go act the stereotype "black" and we'll tune in when the beating is about to start...

Pixie: NO!

C.O: Riza...

Riza: Gotcha * points gun to mary sues head*

Pixie: Fine...

C.O: Riza follow him with your gun and Bella to make sure he does it.

Riza: Yes sir!

C.O: Oh, and let us know when to tune in!

Riza: Kay...oh and Bella may end up with a bullet hole in a non-vital area!

Bella: WHAT?

C.O: Kays...

**ten minutes later**

C.O: Soo

*Vic's famous miniskirt line starts playing*

Roy: What...

Ed: The..

Roy: Hell

*inch away from eachother*

C.O: cough, my ringtone...hold on..hello?

_Riza: Tune in..._

C.O: Kay!

_Turns on screen to find Pixie with a gun pointed to his head...not held by Riza. He gets pistol whipped. Than hit with a bat. Curb stomped. Another bat. Shot_

_Gang member: Dannng this guys fun to beat up!_

_Gang member 2: Yea!_

_Pixie: Oh ow...what the! OW!_

_Crowbar. Another shot. Stabbed. Shot. Shot. Shot. Bat._

C.O: Yesh this is gettin' mighty graphic...

Ed: How you just said that...

C.O: Yea?

Ed: Weird...

C.O: Get like that when I'm tired

Ed: Uhh

C.O: As much fun as it is watching Pixie get beat up...

_Pixie now has atleast 10 bullet holes, and Riza can be seen in the backround clapping and laughing. Bella is banging on the ground crying saying "So useless!"_

_They set him on fire. Shoot. Baseball bat again. Pistol whipped. Brass knuckles.._

C.O: Anyways, time to go...

Ed: See you next time.

C.O: SEND IN MORE FANMAIL!

Ed: Why'd you yell that?

C.O: Absolutely no clue!

Ed:..._

A.N: Sorry this took me so long, damn school. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

P.S: Yes I do have the miniskirt line as a ringtone. And many other FMA randomness. It's awesomeXD Especially around other non-anime watching people...they are all like "WTH is that? Why is a little kid saying someones dead sexy?" Anyways...bye!


	4. LOL COMEBACK!

Crazy Otaku: I've been gone too long! But on the plus side, we got some awesome fanmail. It's pixie torturing time! Woot woot. So first things first, heres my co-star Edward Elic!

*the audience cheers and throws various...items Edward"

Audience: We love you Ed! Heres a rose! Heres a bra, keep it!

Ed: Haha, you know you love me. Okay, as usual. Or used to be usual *Glares at CO"

CO: Hey, it was school, and than addicting video games, and new episodes of you and Al and Roy and Riza and...and

Ed: I get it! Anyways, we do not own any of the anime etc. used in the making of this fanfi- I mean show.

CO: Now for the guests, worst comes first welcome the Twitards Edward Cullen, Bella Swan and Jacob Black.

Edward: I hate this.

Bella: Don't leave me!

Jacob: I hate you, Cullen.

CO: Now we'll seperate by animes. First up, D. Gray Man! Allen, Kanda, Komui, his insane robot Kumurin or however it's spelled, and Lenalee.

Allen: Hello, nice to meet you all.

Kanda: Tch

Komui: Nobody touch my sister!

Insane Robot: Do not touch Lenalee.

Lenalee: Brother...

CO: Next up I would like to bring in the characters from Soul Eater! Soul, Maka, Spirit, and Stein!

Soul: Hey.

Maka: Hello all.

Spirit: Daddy's here Maka!

Stein: Anything I can disect?

CO: Soon, stein,soon. Next up, the main event. Fullmetal alchemist! Welcome...hold on need to get a list here...

CO: Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, Al Elric,Winry Rockbell, Black Hayate, Olvier, Alex Armstrong, Izumi, Sig, Shou Tucker, and Kimblee!

Roy: Hellllo ladies. * wink *

Riza: Anybody makes a move on him say bye bye to your head.

Al: I don't think you can shoot all your problems, Lt

Roy: Aw Hawkeye do you love me?

Riza: Took you this long to figure it out? Why else would a girl put up with you and your lazy ass?

Roy: Uhh

Hayate: Marry my owner you fool!

Riza: You can talk?

Hayate: Here I can.

Winry: Aw so adorable!

Olvier: I'm surrounded by idiots!

A. Armstrong: Don't fret sister, our intelligence has been passe down the armstrong line for generations!

Olivier: Start sparkling like the fairy and I will slice you in half.

Izumi: I'm on Olviers side on that one, no more sparkles!

Sig: …

Shou Tucker: Do I get my pocket watch back or my daughter?

Ed: Why does your watch come first you evil bastard!

Kimblee: This should be interesting. Can I blow stuff up?

CO: Soon, you crazy,evil man. Soon.

Oh I almost forgot, Barry the Chopper everybody!

Barry: Helllloooo Hawkeye!

Riza: Not him again...

"Hayate start biting Barrys clothes again*

CO: And now from the real world, it's my dog JR! He's so adorable!

*A little white with brown patches, one patch like a misshappen heart, Jack Russell Terrier comes runnign in and hops on my lap *

CO: I missed him.

Now than on the the first event, now added is:

Crazy Otaku's Pixie Toturing Time!

Afterwards we go to the fanmail, which will once again be pixie toturing!

First things first who wants to torture the pixie first?

Olvier: I will extinquish his sparkles!

CO: Okay, let's see. Lets set pixie lose in a forest. Than it's pixie hunting season! Who would you like to bring with you Olvier?

Olvier: I'll bring Hawkeye and Hayate.

CO: Okay Hawkeye heres a rifle with bullets that erupt in flames on impact! Now go have fun.

As for us that will be watching, please direct your attention to the big screen!

(A.N- when int eh big screen italics is whats happening, normal text is speech)

_Hawkeye, Hayate and Olvier enter the forest. It's quiet. Too quiet. Theres a rustling to their left. Hawkeye send the leaves on the forest floor in that general direction a flame with a single bullet. A scared pixie jumps out, jumping around screming _

Hot Hot Hot, Very hot, really hot

_Hawkeye starts to take aim but is stopped by Olivier, who begins to chop cullen up in tiny pieces with her blade. After which she stuffs his mangled body in a bag and heads out, Hayate and Hawkeye in tow._

CO: Welcome back, spill Cullen out so he can reform. Cus it's time for my personally favorite segment.

Ed + CO: FanMail!

CO: Since it's been so long, this might take awhile. So first up from awhile ago...

Queen NekoChan writes

i don't know what the "miniskirt line" is, but whatever. now, let's see what my mind can think of...

oh! have Ed, Mustang, and Hawkeye tie the Pixie and Mary Sue to a log, get a katakana, and stab them multiple times! the reason why it's a log is because the katakana might get stuck and you'll have to resort to extra measures to get it out. the "extra measures" doesn't have to work all the time...

EXAMPLE:

Roy: I keep on burning them, but the sword won't come out!

Hawkeye: Sir, setting them on fire will not get it out. But maybe... *loads gun*

Ed: No, wait! let me try! *transmutes automail*

see how much fun it can be?

CO: As this was read Pixie and Mary Sue were tied to the log in a lake outback, to the big screen!

_Bella screams and Edward faints and 5 of the katanas get stuck. Kanda struggles to get mugen out _I shouldn't have stabbed them 100 times, I got my anti akuma weapon stuck tch _In the meantime Komui has a solution, and it involves his insane robot. The robot uses his giant frying pan and smashes the katanas over and over again, after Kanda got mugen out of course,but it only succeeds in bending the metals. Next Riza steps up and uses her new rifle, that I gave her, and takes aim. 5 rapid fire shots hit each katana. Oh no, they just catch on fire and harden the steel. The two Cullens start roasting. Ed wrinkles his nose _Ugh thats worse than MILK! _He decides to try and transmute the katanas out, but they are really stuck and instead get transmuted into the wood! Oh the humanity! This is too much! Roy steps up and Kimblee follows, it's time for fire power. Many powerful claps and snaps later, the Cullen are lying on the docks steaming and outcold._

CO: Throw em in the lake to wake em up, in the meantime the next fanmail will be read by Izumi!

Izumi: Alright, let's see. AutumnLeafFall writes

THAT WAS AWESOME! So glad I gave you all one pass okay now Cullen has to watch and read super hard core yaoi fanfictions and videos involving him and every guy in Twilight (and there are yaoi fanfics involving him ause I found them when I was looking for others and theres no way that I was goin near that stuff) (also for those of you who dont know what yaoi is its two guys doing it together)

Izumi: I'm not sure I want to see that, have you seen Cullen shirtless?

CO: My aunts Team Edward, had tickets for New Moon 3 months in advance. Yes, yes I have. I cringed. Couldn't stop cringing. It was worse than my times in..

Riza: Ishbal?

CO: No, the hospital. Damn doctors would wake me up in the middle of the night give me nasty medicine, and needles. Oh the needles! Anyways Cullen awake yet?

Cullen: What now you insane fangirl? Why do you take joy in ruining peoples lives. JUST ACCEPT THAT I AM HOTTER THAN EDWARD E.!

CO: Why would I lie for a sparkling, fairy-tastic sad excuse for a vampire who doesn't even drink human blood? I mean seriously, have you heard of Dracula? No? Hell, True Bloods better than Twilight. Van Helsing, the movie with Hugh Jackman, those are vampires! You know that they have in common?

Cullen: What?

CO: They don't friggin SPARKLE!

Cullen: …

CO: Now go in that closet and watch the nasty yaoi! Probably worse than RoyEd fanfics.

Roy and Ed: WHAT?

CO: Hm?

Roy: They pair us...

Ed: Together?

CO: I don't understand it... I'm a fan of Royai and Edwin, don't worry.

*screams echo down the hall *

Ed: Whats he watching?

CO: I believe it's a animated video of him and Jacob, in great detail.

Ed: *shivers *

Cullen (muffled): No, no don't! Omg, ew no don't switch places... *howls come from the video *

CO: Let's go out to eat lunch, just hearing about it is creepy...

Cullen: Omg I didn't know you could shape shift that too!

Jacob: Can I come with you guys?

CO: Why?

Jacob: I just...can't.. I think I am gonna throw up, it's so nasty...

CO: Why not, you don't sparkle.

*an hour and a half later *

Cullen: *shiver * It's so...

CO: almost feel bad...syke! AutumnLeafFall, you make another great suggestion I think I'll have you appear on the show. New rule, 4 hilarious suggestions gets you a spot on the show! Let me see if anyone else is close...

Xx-animeddict-xX two more and you can appear, and they can be on the same chapter.

Since they were the only two that commented on the first chapter that I can see, they are the closest. Now heres a fanmail from Xx-animeaddict-xX:

ahahaha that was just epic, now my life feels completeXD

kool i didnt know u could get that line as a ringtone, sweeeetXP

The miniskirt line can be a ringtone, I lost it because I had to sync my iPhone to a new iTunes...*sniffle* in exchange I now have the first brotherhood openign on my iPod. Go FMAB!

Lenalee: May I read the next fanmail?

CO: Of course, read away.

Lenalee: This one is from fictiongurl3553:

I WANT EDWARD SULLEN TO TASTE THE WRATH OF KOMUUIIII! *EVIL LAUGH* I got tired of Twilight and its crappy love story, It's a MARY SUE STORYLINE I TELL YA!

PLEASSEE! CAN KOMURIN, KOMUI AND LENALEE APPEAR NEXT CHAPTER?~

(especially Komurin ^_^)

Lenalee: Aw thank you for thinking of me!

CO: Your wish has come true, and now how bout the D. Gray Man characters send you a shout out?

Lenalee: Hiyas!

Allen: Hello. Am I a loved character as well?

CO: Someone in my Anime club is completely nutso over you don't worry.

Kanda: Hey..tch

Komui: I love to know I'm loved, and so does my robot!

Insane Robot: Thank you fangirl.

CO: Komui why don't you read the next fanmail?

Komui: Okay! From SilverNightBlade:

wassup! anyway i love the series! ed and al are awesome! if i could pick any anime dudes to be my brothers they would be my first pick! my sis loves the show man and she loves kanda even more! i want to tell kanda he has awesome hair and i would kick anyone who says he looks like a girl! anyway i dare ed to beat cullen upside the head with one of those spikey club thingies 523473619374628173827 times. also you make man seem so awesome i'm gonna watch it myself! i love you guys! plus i added the author and this show to my faves! bye!

Ed: I am awesome, I admit it. So is Alphonse! My little brother rocks! Anyways *transmutes club * let's get started

1..

2..

CO: Anyways so..

Ed: 3..

4..

5..

CO: *sigh * lets take a break for a few hours...

*5 hours later *

Ed: 6000000000000000000000...

CO: You went a bit over..

Ed: Damn, you caught me!

Cullen: Are those stars? Haha, and unicorns...pretty

Ed: Ok come on that's proof that hes gay!

CO: Hush, that's an insult to all gay guys everywhere!

Izumi: I'll read the next fanmail!

CO: Well, not gonna argue with you!

Izumi: From Mew Phong:

Yay! Die twilight! Ohh I want Olivier and Izumi to gang up on either Mary sue pixie or Mary sue and rip them apart. Then they can go have tea! Well izumi can but not Armstrong. She needs to go get her family and then they can did out how they Cullen sparkle because that's OBVIOUSLY an Armstrong thing.

Izumi: Finally I can beat him up!

CO: Theres a training area next door, feel free to use that.

Olivier: I'm coming...

Izumi: You already got to beat him!

Olivier: I am clearly mentioned int eh fanmail!

Izumi: Well you are fun to fight with, let's take turns!

CO: To the big screen!

_Izumi steps in to the ring with cullen, and instantly goes karate kid on him. Chops, punches kicks, holds, throws. She mangles him up!_

Cullen: What are you?

Izumi: I'm a HOUSEWIFE!

_Olivier steps in and throws the mangled fairy across the ring, jumps and lands on her sword handle, the blade of the sword being in Cullens brains. She than uses the blade to fling Cullen into a wall. He doesn't get up._

CO: He didn't last too long.

Izumi: It wasn't much fun..

Olivier: Next fanmail is from Shoujo Fan Fiction

OMG Id be HELLA FUNNY if Shuo Tucker (the sewing life alchemist) turned Bella into a chimera in front of Edward and Jacob. Thatd make my day.

Ed: That bastard Tucker? Though it would be funny..

CO: Tucker do your thing, I'll eat some Ramen. Mmmm beef flavored.

Bella: May I have some?

CO: *death glare * Do not even think of touching my ramen, Mary Sue!

Roy: May I?

CO: OFCOURSE!

_As Roy and I enjoy ramen Tucker tranmutes Mary Sue and a poor, poor pigeon that was flying by our studio. The result was Mary Sue covered in feathers and wings instead of arms. She start cawing and flapping around, knocking both Edward and Jacob out cold._

CO: LOL only way I can describe it.

Ed: Agreed

I will read the last fanmail

CO: Go on pipsqueak...

Ed: Who you calling a pipsqueak, half pint!

CO: Beansprout!

Ed: Shortcake!

CO: Mini!

Ed: Shorti!

CO: POKEBALL!

Ed:...Pokeball?

CO: You know before they click the pokeball on, it's like the size of a penny...

Ed: Whatever, from Alchemistofpeace, like the name there...

This... is... GENIUS! LOL, I love pixie-boy suffer. Okay, for my dare, I want pixie-boy to watch mary sue get raped by Jacob, and then blown up by Kimblee. Or set on fire by Mustang. I'm not picky.

Cullen: Uhhh

Jacob: Errr

Bella: What the hell? NO!

CO: Roy...

Roy: I'll toast your boyfriend if the audience isn't pleased!

CO: I don't wanna watch this, closet, nows!

*male screams come from the closet *

CO: That sounds like Jacob...

Ed: I don't think he likes what he sees. I'm lucky, I got a hot girlfriend

Winry: Aww, Ed! Wait, you didn't break my automail did you?

Ed: No!

Winry: Oh, than thank you!

Cullen: No! We were gonna wait till marriage!

Jacob: I hate this girl now. Kill me please!

CO: Creepy!

Ed: They're done, and it's the end of the show * drags pixie out*

CO: Thank you for reading and being patient!

*pixie is tied to a chair *

Roy: Good

Kimblee: Bye

*snap *

*clap *


	5. More Pixie Torture!

AN- Okay, so I know it's been forever but the summers been crazy. Although, this might be my last chapter for awhile because:

A) School. Specifically, High school. Fun.

B) Hurricane Irene has effected more than I expected but shouldn't be as much of a problem as School.

First an Earthquake and now a hurricane. Really, the world is ending. Let's all hope for a zombie apocalypse! Ya know it would be awesome. And now, back to our not so regularly scheduled program!

CO- Welcome to the 5th episode of Twilight VS FMA/FMAB. We have a wonderful show for you today/tonight. Okay, it's always an awesome show. I hope.

Roy- I'm in it, of course it's wonderful.

Ed- And I add the awesomeness.

CO- True, true. Okay so it's disclaimer time. Ed and Roy, Roy and Ed, do the honors!

Ed- This crazy otaku that has been my co-host does not own Fullmetal Alchemist or Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood.

Roy- CO also does not own the sparklpire series known as Twilight. Nor does she want to.

CO- Good job you two! Now than, let's introduce tonights guests! From Fullmetal...oh god

Ed- What?

CO- Long list, but here we go! Riza Hawkeye, Olivia Armstrong, Izumi Curtis, Pride, Wrath, Roy even though he already showed up, Winry Rockbell, and last but certainly not least Alphonse Elric!

Riza- Hello.

Olivia- Hi.

Izumi- Nice to see you again.

Pride- Thank you, CO, even if you are a miserable human.

Wrath- Yes, it is nice to be recognized.

Winry- Hi everyone!

Al- Good to be back!

CO- Next up all the way from D. Gray Man Allen, Lenalee, Kanda, and Komui!

Allen- Hiyas!

Lenalee- Hello everyone.

Kanda-...

CO- … wheres Komui?

Lenalee- Oh no..

CO- Tech guys, can you please check the science lab! So, I guess we'll be back after these messages!

Ed- We have commercials?

CO- I dunno. But now we do~!

*Big Screen *

_A scene from FMA:B starts playing. Havoc and Roy are in a hospital room, Roy begins muttering to himself about their room status as Hawkeye watches on._

"_Dammit why are we even in the same room? At my rank I should have my own room, with a hot nurse..."_

_*End scene *_

Roy- That wasn't really a commercial..

Riza- So that's what you said under your breathe. You'd rather a hot nurse?

CO- Uh oh, Roy boys in trouble~!

Roy- Roy boy?

CO- It sounded cute!

Roy- Riza, thats before...

Riza- Before what?

Komui- Are you two gonna get married yet?

CO- There you are!

Roy- Jeez, for a second I thought you were Hughes...

Riza- That is something he would say.

CO- No giant robot?

Riza- You were saying Roy?

Roy- I was?

Riza- That was before what?

Roy- It was before, ya know..I...

Winry- oh for God sakes, he loves you!

Roy- Its not the same if I don't tell her.

CO- You know we really are getting off topic-

Riza- You love me?

Roy- More than anything in this cruel, big world.

CO- Yes we all knew that, back to the show perhaps

Roy- This is a very important mome- wait what do you mean all?

CO- Every fan of the show can see you have feelings for each other. Well, okay, most. Some believe in RoyEd. Ya know, you and Ed.

Winry- I'd like to dissagree, no mans taking my man!

Ed- Your man?

Winry- Oh, uh...

Ed- So... you feel the same way?

CO- Okay this is very touching, but please lets get back to the show?

Ed- In a minute.

CO- Okay, look all the people watching knew you two were in love. I mean, really, but there is pixie torturing to be done.

Roy- You're right! Let's incinerate that vamp wannabe!

CO- Finally! Okay so-

Ed- Wait one more thing!

CO- WHAT?

Ed- I mean, I know people can have their own opinions but..

CO- Yess?

Ed- *sigh * no ones gonna ask me to kiss the colonel bastard right?

CO- I honestly can't answer that.

Ed-...

CO- from Soul Eater we have Stein, Maka, and Soul!

Stein- Good afternoon.

Soul- Hey

Maka- Hello everyone.

CO- Last and least, Pixie and Mary Sue! Sorry, E. Cullen and Bella Swan.

Pixie- I hate you all.

Mary-Sue- Ditto.

CO- oh, I have a Ditto in my game! But I mostly use my Lugia, Raikou, Entei, Red Gyrados, Rapidash, and Ampharos though.

Soul- You cheated, didn't you?

CO- No! Anyways it's time for the Pixie Torture Corner! So who would like to maim the Pixie first? We have time for 4 or 5 different tortures before Fanmail.

Maka- Me first, please.

CO- Okay let me think of something. How about I use my magic author abilities to make Pixie into a Kishin egg soul...thing, and you can hunt em.

Maka- Sounds good, it'll be the last one before needing a witch.

CO- OK! I trust you'll be taking Soul with you?

Soul- Hell yea!

CO- Than lets do it, everyone to the big screen!

*Big Screen *

_It's a clear night, the moon drooling scarlet as usual. Soul and Maka stand on a rooftop at ease, looking for the now kishin-egg pedopixie. A movement in the shadows, and out emerges..._

_What looks to be pedo bear in a pixie halloween costume. How fitting. Pedopixie rushes the two. Maka takes a few steps back as Soul blocks the bear with a scythed arm. Soul jumps back, turning into a scythe in the process. Maka catches her falling weapon and they begin soul resonance. A witch hunter finishes the battle._

_*End Scene *_

CO- Very well done!

Soul- He tastes like sour milk...

Ed- Ugh, worse than real milk.

Stein- May I dissect him now?

CO- Ya huh.

*Stein grabs his tools and gets to work *

Pixie- *scream * Stop, I'm alive you know!

Stein- All the more fun, muahahahaha!

CO- So I was thinking ramen for lunch? Anybody up for that?

Allen- If you have a lot of it I'm in.

Stein- Interesting...

Pixie- I'm not supposed to be able to see that.

CO- How about beef flavored?

Allen- Maybe as many flavors as we can find?

CO- I remember seeing this spicy chicken.

Stein- Huh, you don't have a beating heart. Guess I can remove it than!

Pixie- Gahh, that hurts you insane, maniac, psycho...thing!

CO- Sounds like Pixie is being tortured quite well.

Mary-Sue- *whimper * Edward...

CO- Shut up and go to your emo corner!

Stein- I've learned much from this, such good research!

Pixie- …

CO- Huh might take awhile for him to wake up..

Ed- I'd feel bad for him, but than I remember who he is and I'm all better.

CO- You do have an evil side, don't you? Anyways while Pixie slumbers I would like to say that any suggestions for the show, new segments or possibly a new co-host can be Pmd to me

Pixie- No Mommy I don't wanna meet Cinderella.

CO- What the..

Pixie- NO SNOW WHITE!

CO- Uhh

Ed- What the hell?

Soul- Not cool..

Pixie- Yes! I'm a fairy princess!

CO- He admitted it!

Pixie- Wai- What? What happened?

CO- *Plays back recording * Hello your highness, can I get you a crown?

Pixie- Delete that!

CO- Neva!

Pixie- I will rip off your arm!

CO- Dude I've stared death in the face and laughed, now back off before I start ripping off your limbs and hanging em on my wall as a decoration!

Ed- I've lost two limbs, trust me it hurts pixie.

Pixie- I hate you all.

CO- Good, next up for Pixie Torture Corner is.. Bella.

Mary-Sue- You called me Bella and.. WHAT!

CO- Hehe, it's the perfect torture. If you don't torture your so called love I'll have Roy over here turn him in to a Pixieburger...with fries!

Allen- that sounds good *mouth water *

MarySue- Okay, than I choose. . . Turn me in to a vampire!

CO- He does that in the series, something else.

MarySue- I don't know! Please, don't make me...

CO- Fine, fine. Soul, Maka, Please stab Mary Sue and slice her up?

Maka- We already got a turn...

CO- Ohhh right right. Fine than, Allen and Kanda?

Allen- Hmm?

Kanda- Tch..?

CO- Allen hold Pixie, Kanda slice up Mary Sue.

Allen- Innocence...ACTIVATE!

Kanda- Mugen activate.

*As Allen holds Pixie with his transformed hand Kanda slices and Dices the Mary Sue. Soon she is minced up *

Pixie- BELLA! You bastards, I'll kill you! Every one of you.

CO- Jeez calm down, we've killed you a ton of times. We magically bring you back from the dead for more torture.

Pixie- ...But...I can't live without her

CO- Ugh, you really are an annoying little sparklpire.

Ed- Whats next?

CO- While Mary Sue regenerates so we can actually get on with the fanmail we need another distraction.

Roy- I know just the thing!

CO- Hm?

Roy- Lt. I mean Hawkeye, dammit...

Riza- Roy..

Roy- Wait I need to get this right.

Riza- Roy.

Roy- I mean if I mess it up than you might say no. Wait, you called me Roy!

Riza- Yes, and I don't mind being called Riza.

Roy- Okay than, uhh, erm.

CO- Damn boy...

Roy- Riza Hawkeye, would you do me the pleasure of being my wife?

Riza- No.

Roy- Bu-bu-bu

Riza- Silly man, you haven't even asked me out on a date!

Roy- Okay,than, will you go out with me?

Riza- I'll think about it.

Ed- Ouch

Winry- A date kinda sounds fun

Ed- Wanna try it?

Winry- That...is your way of asking me out?

Ed- Um...yes?

Winry- I don't know why I fell in love with you...

Ed- B-but...

Winry- But I'm glad I did, how about dinner?

Ed- No milk?

Winry- No milk.

CO- For a comedy show this is a lot of romance...

MarySue- What happened?

Pixie- These evil people are now starting to date eachother.

CO- Time for fanmail, who wants to read?

Lenalee- Me please!

CO- Shoot.

Lenalee- First fanmail is from animebookfreak12:

I love this! Ed best Sparky for 1. stealing armstrongs sparkles( only real men sparle sparky is just a gay friggen ugly fake vampire who is selfish and only care abot himslef!)

Okay calm down... I want Allen, Lenalee to come back too! Ed u are awsoem and hey hotter than sparky is just a gay friggen ugly fake vampire who is selfish and only care abot himslef!

Al u are the most adorable thing in the world! Roy marry hawkeye for once! Winry can u say something to ed something without 'Aoutomail' i support EdWin! Okay for torture :n Spare Jacob even though i hate twilight i love him...(i havent read or watched twilight evr!) ok back to torture every one will get to satb kill burn shooot or torture him and mary sue who is worthless and only cares about sparky is just a gay friggen ugly fake vampire who is selfish and only care abot himslef! And I want Pride back! he is the most adorable thing in the world! pride I LOVE YOU! and ed and al and roy *continues list after 5 hours*! I love your show! bye out of otaku mode

Roy- See the fans think we should get married.

Riza- I'm still considering that date.

Lenalee- We came back!

CO- Okay since we have a lot of people how about the people who animebook requested get to stab burn and in general kill these annoying things that pass as reasonable book characters? That means Pride, Lenalee and Allen you are up!

Pride- Me first.

CO- Go outside, those shadows of yours are dangerous! Plus this studio has more lights than shadows

Pride- Very well.

*Big Screen *

_Pride traps Pixie in his shadows, the little black hands slicing paper cut line lines everywhere. Pixie Tries to escape and Pride pins him. He begins to form a human transmutation circle around him! "What are you doing!" Pixie cries out in terror, writhing and struggling against the shadows. The circle lights up. When the transmutation ends Cullen stands and goes in to the sunlight. A collective gasp sounds through the studio._

_Pixie had lost his sparkles._

CO- That is something the Truth and I can agree on.

Ed- Yep.

Al- Definetly.

Izumi- He deserved that.

Roy- I handeled that situation much better!

Riza- Yes, yes you did.

CO- Lenalee, you're up.

Lenalee- Innocence activate! *Kicks Pixie right between the legs with the full force of the Dark Boots behind the impact *

Pixie- My little sparkles... *rolls on the floor in pain as MarySue flutters over him like a butterfly on crack *

CO- Nice shot!

Lenalee- Thank you.

CO- Allen yo-

Allen- Make me dinner!

CO- Hasn't that been done before?

Allen- I'm hungry...

CO- I'll treat you to a buffet later.

Allen- Fine than *transforms his hand in to the light gun mode * run if you can!

_Pixie runs as fast as he can with the injury Lenalee inflicted, but alas Allen shoots him full of the innocence bullets as the studio cheers him on._

Riza- We should go to the range sometime, teach each other tricks.

Allen- Sure!

CO- Next fanmail!

Lenalee- MOeMoE KaGAmI writes:

Yeshness let the sparkly pedo-pixie SUFFER!

Heh heh, make Edo the pedo watch something billions more tortous than yaoi (yaoi fangirl by the way), YURI, he has to watch it for 15 hours straight with his Mary Sue girlfriend

While your at it have have Oliver Armstrong, the Furher, and Pride have him hang on the ceiling and keep on cutting him until he stops sparkling or stops being a pedo,

which ever comes first.

Pixie- WTF is Yuri?

CO- Girl on girl. I believe, I am still quite new to anime. Anyways, I love your thinking moemoe! Lock em up.

_MarySue and Pixie are tied to chairs and thrown in a closet as Yuri is played over..and over..and over._

3 Hours Later

Ed- I keep hearing screams from them. It's no fun if they die of fear before we get to torture them some more. Should someone go check on them?

CO- Do YOU want to?

Ed-...

4 more hours pass

Roy- Got that answer yet Riza?

Riza- Don't rush me!

Roy-...

MarySue- I didn't know you could do that...

7 more hours later...

Soul- How much longer?

CO- An hour.

Soul- This is starting to feel un-cool.

CO- Whys that?

Soul- Well, Pixie the Gay gets to see naked girls!

Maka- Makaaaaa

Soul- oh no...

Maka- CHOP!

1 hour later...

CO- Kay times up! Bring em on out and tie Pixie up! Olivia, Wrath, Pride you know what to do!

Olivia- This is for being a weakling! *Slices off Pixies arms *

Pride- This is for not killing the god damned human! *Slices off Pixies legs *

Wrath- And this... this is for just pissing me off! *Dices the remains *

Pixie- I'll stop! I'll stop! Whatever you want, I promise.

Olivia- Weakling scum, you wouldn't survive in Briggs. My soldiers could tear you apart limb from limb!

_Olivia continues slicing the Pixie, letting him heal, and slicing him again._

Pride- She..is a human to be reconed with.

Wrath- Shed make a good Humonculus.

Olivia- I don't want to dirty the Armstrong blade anymore, whats next?

Lenalee- From RoseDoll Alchemist:

i love this and i love edwin not just edward anyway i have a dare for all the fma people k

riza i dare you to act like a hunter and make mary sue is the deer

roy i dare you to make lord wants-to-be-hot[edward cullen] to do all your paperwork same for you olivier

ed i dare you to go on a train with edward and make a big scene about how you "find out" he is gay

winry i dare you to act like edward cullen abused you in front of a lot of people

shou tucker i dare you to go to the military and say that edward cullen was your latest experiment because i am pretty sure they will believe you

kimblee i dare you go say edward cullen is really in love with jacob

CO- Okay looks like we need Shou Tucker and Kimblee for this one.

Shou- Time to experiment!

Stein- You're a scientist as well?

Shou- I mixed humans with animals.

Stein- Interesting, you should share your research!

Kimblee- Can I blow something up?

CO- Riza, you're up! To the big screen *batman music plays *

*Big Screen *

_A camo clad Riza enters the forest slowly, a .45 calliber rifle on hand. The trees move with the breeze, suddenly theres a rustling in the bushes. Pixie jumps out..._

_In a deer costume, antlers, tail and all._

_Riza takes aim and shoots him in the leg to keep him from escaping, Pixie attempts to limp away. Another shot in the leg leaves him crawling. The Hawks Eye walks up to the fallen pixie deer and aims her rifle at his head. The last thing the pixie sees until the next dare is a smiling Hawkeye and the barrel of her gun._

Roy- Remind me to never cheat on you..

Riza- You would've cheated on me before that?

Roy- ..NO!

Riza- You sure?

Roy- Who would cheat on the perfect woman?

Riza- Dinner and dancing tommorow night, pick me up at 6.

Roy- Yess!

CO- Congrats, oh and Roy, Olivia. Your turns.

Roy- Okay so heres the weapons forms, they need to be read over and signed as well as dated.

Pixie- Theres at least 60 in this pile!

Roy- Single spaced. Heres resignation forms they have to be agreed or disagreed and signed as well as dated.

Pixie- Well that's a pretty small stack...

Roy- Ok last but not least is generic paperwork, just sign and date. No need to read.

Ed- The purpose is TO torture.

Roy- I do not wish the evil of paperwork on anyone.

Olivia- My turn. Heres paperwork regarding the Armstrong estate

Pixie- I don't see how I'm qualified..

Olivia- This is paperwork regarding recent deaths.

Pixie- Why is there so many...

Olivia- Here is weapons forms and ammo renewal.

Pixie- My god woman!

Olivia- It's General or Ma'am to you!

Pixie- *gulp *

CO- Okay he can do the paperwork on the train, heres a pen.

Ed- Sweet. This is gonna be fun!

*On the train *

_All is quiet on the train, when 10 minutes in to the journey..._

Ed- I knew it!

Passenger 1- Umm, what?

Ed- *wraps arm around Passenger 1s neck and points his thumb at Pixie * This guy over here just admitted he was gay! It took so long.

_Ed digs around his carry on for a minute before pulling out a hot pink tee shirt_

Ed- I finally get to wear this!

_Ed dons the tee shirt, on the front it has a flaming arrow with the words "I'm with Flamer" above it_

Passenger 2- Isn't that offensive?

Ed- Hes secure with his sexuality! Plus I'm no homophobe, I'm hanging out with him aren't I? Haha ha!~

*Back at the Studio *

CO- You had a little too much fun with that, didn't you?

Ed- I loved that dare!

Winry- My turn!

*In the middle of a mall *

Winry- No stop! Don't!

_Winry cowers before a shocked Pixie_

Winry- I swear I'll be good, just don't hit me...not again...

_Tears streaming down her face Winry backs up quickly, falling and laying on the cool floor_

Customer 1- how dare you sir!

Customer 2- Shes just a young lady!

_3 big, buff, and angry men descend upon the pixie kicking,punching,ripping, and punching again. A middle aged lady gives Winry a hot chocolate and "comforts" her._

*back at the studio *

CO- That was amazing acting Winry!

Ed- Agreed.

Winry- thank you, I try.

CO- Kay next up is Tucker.

*At the State Alchemist Recertification office *

General 1- Didn't you get kicked out?

Shou- But this is the best chimera yet, he sparkles!

General 2- Show us this... chimera

_Pixie is rolled out in a cage with a chain around his neck as sunlight is shown on him._

General 1- Amazing!

General 2- Still you went over the line so even though you have shown us this amazing chimera, we must decline.

*Back at the Studio *

CO- Kimblee...

Kimblee- *walks up to mary sue * Cullens in love with Jacob, sorry girly.

MarySue- But..but..NO, he loves me!

Kimblee- Who would love you? You are just a human, a worthless insect to him.

MarySue- but...he said

Kimblee- He is going to play with you and after his fun, he'll get rid of you. Might make a dinner out of it. Think on that.

CO- Ouch. Next fanmail!

Lenalee- Okay so this one is from 2lazy2thinkofaname:

Hey! Omigod, this story is a freakin life saver! XDDD THANK YOU for mentioning Soul Eater, I am obsessed with that show! Also, next could you introduce either the Naruto characters or the Bleach characters? If you introduce Narut, be sure to use Ibiki (the torture ninja guy), and if you use Bleach, use Kenpachi (the crazy sadist guy), or Szayel (the crazy scientist dude).

And for my dare: Ed (the hot one, not hte pixie), please dare Pixie to date the following people: Charlie, Jacob, and a person of your choice (preferably a guy)! Also, he has to make out with them at least once on each of the dates!

And for Alphonse: Kill the Mary-Sue girl (Bella) please! XD

CO- I don't know Naruto too well...or Bleach... Sorry. To make up for it I'll make another story just for those dates. Might take me awhile, I suck at yaoi...

Al- Can I kill mary sue now?

CO- Yep!

*Outside *

_Al unleashes a mass of martial art fury onto the mary sue. Kicks, punches, manuevers I don't even know how to explain. Than comes the final blow._

_A side kick sends her flying._

_Next is a two handed knockout punch followed by a drop kick._

_Finally he puts all his strength in to a right uppercut that even Armstrong could not copy in perfection and destructive force._

Al- Hmm, that was fun!

CO- Thats the end of the show. Remember, if you read please review. Even if it's just saying what you think, good or bad, it's helpful!

Ed- Cya, I gotta date to plan.

Roy- This date I'm looking forward too.

CO- Ta ta for now!


	6. Important Note

I'm sorry I'm not sure if I can do this talkshow anymore, real life is getting in the way. If anyone would like to adopt and continue this story feel free to PM me and let me know and get started.

If I ever get non busy I might start writing more multichapters until than I might just go with one-shots and drabbles.

Thank you for reading:)


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